The TrueSoldier Rants

The Thoughts of a Conservative mind.

This is Dam Funny

I received this via email, so I can not say if this is 100% true or not, but it would not surprise me to find out that it is:

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property.   It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania .   This guy’s response is hilarious, but read The State’s letter before you get to the response letter.

State of Pennsylvania ‘s letter to Mr. DeVries:  

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County  

Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property.  You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:    

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.  

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued.  Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.  

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.   We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.  All restoration work shall be completed  no later than January 31, 2007.  

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.  Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..  

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.  


David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County  

Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to.  I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .  

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood “debris” dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.  While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials “debris.”  

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.


These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking.   As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?    

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.  

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns.  My first dam concern is, aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation?  The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation — so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.  
The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.   In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.    

If you want the damed stream “restored” to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers — but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.  

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream.  They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.  If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers’ Dams).  

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2007? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area.  It is the bears!   Bears are actually defecating in our woods.  I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.  If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!  

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.






December 15, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. It’s dam true! Only the Michigan DEQ could be so inept! Michigan is all about BIG government!! Things are still run in much the same manner by the bureaucratic bullies within the DEQ and the DNR in Michigan! I personally know of a man that literally went bankrupt from Escanaba, MI in trying to get a septic system permit. It was dubbed as the $65,000 toilet! Three years later he’s bankrupt and he still doesn’t have a permit. The septic system would have been for the equivalent of a 1 to 2 bedroom home. The DEQ NOW says that the property qualifies for the permit! He is bankrupt and his bank now owns this property! And this is also a dam true DEQ story! Sadly there are many true events of this magnitude caused by battles with the DEQ in Michigan.

    Comment by Nan | December 15, 2008

    If you have your own dam story about the Michigan DEQ or MDNR, I’d love to hear from you!

    Nan at:

    Here’s Rick Archer’s dam website at:

    Comment by Nan | December 15, 2008

  3. I have found one of the easiest way to get these kinds of officials to back off is to file a FOIL request of the HQs of the entire agency (not just a division) asking them to ” … provide in a computer format the full names (not merely initials) titles, salaries, voice telephone number, fax telephone number, the physical office address including complete street address and suite/room number/floor, and email address of each and every employee of the entire agency.”

    Make sure you also add: “I hereby certify that such information shall not be used for commerical and/or fund-raising purposes.”

    By making this type of request, RED FLAGS will go up throughout the entire agency! They will ask you the reason why you want this information, but under the FOIL all you are required to tell them is the above certification.

    I am spokesperson for a group that has been conducting major investigations against public officials where we have been making these kinds of requests nationwide. Any agency getting this kind of request will get very paranoid and any discrimination that you may be facing at the present time will suddenly vanish! Even better if you have some spare time after you get the list, go down to the local county clerk or court house and check for any court judgments/liens, especially if they are in favor of a governmental agency like the IRS, state tax, etc. Then make a call to the agency that holds the court judgment/lien and tell them that you are aware of the judgment against Mr. ____ and that he works at _________. Tell them that you are concerned as to why the agency has not bothered to garnishee his/her wages to enforce the judgment/lien. You do not have to give your name, but guaranteed it will get back to the people in the agency and they will suddenly get the message, especially if you can find more than one employee with judgments/liens.

    If you need some help with this contact me privately at and I will try to help you.

    Wallace Nolen
    Barre VT 05641 USA

    Comment by Wallace Nolen | December 16, 2008

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